January 5, 2012

Getting Back on Track

Getting back on track blog-wise after the holidays has proven challenging. I'm hoping that posting something--no matter how long or short--will renew the posting habit. :)

The past month has been difficult since Bertrand's girlfriend Hannah passed away. The emotions involved have been hard and confusing.

Also emotionally complex has been Victoria's total eclipse of every milestone Bertrand ever accomplished. She has consistently stayed ahead of every development guide. Crawling at 5 months-old. Cruising at 7 months-old. And now at 8 months-old, she can crawl up stairs and just began using the sign for "milk". Of course, it's relieving in that we don't have to question her health. But, it's tough in that we've entered uncharted territory--we're essentially first time parents!

With that have come realizations about our limitations and desires as parents. While I've been acting as Bertrand's at-home therapist for 4 years, that is not the role I want. I want to be his mother--and Victoria's. With the ways things currently are, I feel as though I am failing at both roles. As hard as it is to say, I need help.

To clarify, I need help that doesn't come with strings attached.

So, put the word out, we're looking for a physical therapy student interested in working with Bertrand in the mornings before school, 5 days per week. The student would follow the program set forth by a licensed physical therapist at Now I Can.

Ideally I will put those hours to work on physical therapy for myself (to slow the disintegration of my knees), to dedicate more time for Victoria, or to improve my general sanity.

I'm terrified. Please wish us luck!


  1. Good luck finding someone soon! I'm sure there's got to be someone close by who'd work out well -- I assume you can leads from the people at Now I Can and maybe Primary Children's as well. And please don't fault yourself for not posting more -- you're already doing the work of about 2.5 people rolled into one.

    Victoria is adorable, by the way! I showed Veronica the video and she loved it -- she's all about "BABIES!" these days and could watch them for hours.

  2. Good luck finding someone. I kept Sammie B's nanny during my maternity leave, for the very reason that I WANT to be mom and not just therapist. And, like you, I now have a second child (she's only two months, but I hope those milestones come . . . but I do expect them to be a tad bittersweet), and like you, I also feel like I'm often failing EVERYONE. Not "working" with Sammie B enough, not having enough time to give either girl the love and attention I want to, because its all so darn demanding. This is not an easy journey. I check in often - looking forward to more updates.

    Can I ask a rather random question -- are you able to go out with both kiddos often? Do you push Bertrand and wear Victoria? We are likely getting a chair soon, but I'm using the double stroller as long as I can. Logistically, its easier, but I do feel that a wheelchair might be a more age-appropriate thing for Sammie B. Sigh.

  3. Yes, I typically push Bertrand in his chair and wear Victoria. But this doesn't scale. (Especially since Victoria decided that she hates the Ergo with a passion. Sigh.)

    As a temporary measure, I've been doing most errands with only Victoria while Bertrand is at school.

    Wheelchair-stroller couplers do exist, but they seem awkward and difficult to manage through doorways.

    Once the warmer weather comes, I really need to find something that will work. "Fortunately", our last snow last year was in June, so I have some time. ;)

    Please let me know if you find anything promising! We're attending the Abilities Expo in February and are keeping an eye out for better solutions. I'll definitely keep everyone posted. :)

  4. Just to clarify, for most other outings I've been taking back-up (my husband, MIL, sister, etc.) and we can split pushing duties. But alone, I carry/wear the little Queen and push the little Prince. :)

  5. I sent an email to the director of the occupational therapy school at UIC asking for OT help. She forwarded it to her students and I had four students respond. Two of them ended up coming several days a week and it was so, so awesome. I hope it works out for you, too. I understand the anxiety you are feeling somewhat--I feel like I am barely holding little John's life together, let alone having another child on top of all that! You are doing amazing work with both of them, truly. There is always more you feel you should be doing, but you do accomplish so much! By the way, I sent a package to you a few days ago, should arrive sometime this week. Just a few little surprises to brighten your day. I also returned that book I borrowed from you nearly two years ago...sorry...! Lots of love to you all. -Ashley

  6. Ashely, thank you! This was exactly the little push I needed to send the job post email. :) All I had to do was click send, but I've been too terrified to do so. (That'll be fun to analyze with my therapist. ;) And you're too sweet! I have a package and your extremely belated holiday card (just pretend it's a valentine's card or something) to send to you & LJ. :) I didn't have your new address! BTW, no worries about the book! I'm SOOO glad you got good use out of it! :) I recommend it to every E-parent I know! Lots of love! --C

  7. I stumbled onto your site via your husband's blog while researching some info for my kids. Your family and you are inspirations - thank you for sharing! This post inspired me to share a site with you, for Victoria primarily, but Burtrand too, in case you haven't already come across it. It can help point you in the direction of right brain advances for both kids too. Take care. www.brillkids.com. Join the free forum when you have time and see if anything applies - hopefully yes.

  8. Sorry for the typo! Bertrand :-)

  9. Thanks for the kind words and resource, Marlita! I'll definitely look into brillkids. It sounds promising! Best wishes to you and your family! :)